Faces of Debt

I realized a long time ago that debt never really goes away. It just changes form. My attitude about debt changes right along with it. A few years ago, the first time i was up in Alaska, i took out an $800 cash advance and bought a car so i could tool around the Chugach Mountains and explore Denali. I never once regretted it and i don't now. Several months later i was at a bank in Portland taking out a cash advance to pay my electric bill. That made me feel dirty. Shameful. For some reason this seems backwards to me like i should have been okay going into debt to stay warm rather than go play, like that is a more justified reason. Especially to those hoity-toity people who have never really had debt and group all poor people into one category- the kind that drain your tax money with welfare and food stamps; the kind that take your change and buy booze when they should be buying food. I think that if i were a poor person, i mean really poor, like jobless and homeless, I would be the kind of person who begged for change and bought booze instead of food. I'm not saying this because i'm an alcoholic. I'm not saying this because i think these people are right for buying alcohol with your hard earned nickle. I just think there's a difference. There's something awful about not being able to provide your own basic needs. Something shameful and dirty that makes you feel like less of a person when you can't even buy food, you can't even pay your freaking electric bill which isn't even very much really. But not being able to provide your own fun, well shit, that's not a big deal. Who can afford their own fun these days? That's what borrowing and begging and finding twenty dollars in a book at the library is for!